The Deference Weapon: Ring Around the Rosie and the Second Mile

By Drake Hunter | Commentary, Rocky Mountain Voice

Ring around the rosie, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

Most of us learned Ring Around the Rosie before we learned how to tie our shoes. We held hands, spun in circles, laughed, and then intentionally fell to the ground together. Nobody was trying to win. Nobody was competing for attention. Nobody was demanding their rights. For a few brief moments, everyone moved together…Then we grew up!

Today, it seems we’ve forgotten how. Everywhere we look, people are fighting for position. We fight for attention, recognition, influence, and control. We fight to be heard, to be right, and to make sure no one gets ahead of us. The cultural message is clear: stand your ground, protect your rights, and never let anyone take advantage of you.

Yet Jesus introduces a weapon that feels completely foreign to modern thinking. It’s called deference. Not weakness. Not surrender. Not becoming a doormat. Deference is the voluntary choice to place another person’s needs ahead of your own for the sake of something greater. Like meekness and gentleness, it is an aspect of strength under control. It is power directed by love. That is exactly what Jesus is teaching in Matthew 5:38-42 when He says, “If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two.”

To understand how shocking those words were, we have to understand the world in which they were spoken. Under Roman law, a soldier could legally compel a Jewish citizen to carry his equipment for one mile. Imagine being interrupted on your way to work, your home, or your family and being forced to carry the gear of an occupying army. The people listening to Jesus expected Him to teach them to resist. They expected Him to advocate retaliation or at least to comply begrudgingly.

Instead, Jesus said something remarkable. Carry it another mile. Not because Rome deserved it. Not because the soldier was right. Not because injustice suddenly became acceptable. Go another mile because the first mile is forced, but the second mile is chosen. The first mile belongs to obligation. The second mile belongs to freedom. And freedom is where deference lives.

I have learned something about the second mile during my wife Sherrie’s illness. When someone you love is battling glioblastoma, life becomes a series of interruptions. Plans change. Schedules disappear. Sleep becomes uncertain. Priorities rearrange themselves without asking permission.

There have been many evenings when I finally sat down after a long day only to hear Sherrie call from the other room. “Drake?” Usually it wasn’t an emergency. Maybe she needed a blanket adjusted. Maybe she wanted a drink of water. Sometimes she simply wanted company.

Years ago, I often measured my day through the lens of productivity. I had tasks to complete, deadlines to meet, and responsibilities waiting. But cancer has a way of teaching lessons you never volunteered to learn. Over time, I began to recognize the choice in those moments. I could provide assistance, or I could provide myself. One fulfilled an obligation. The other expressed love. One completed the first mile. The other walked the second. That is the deeper lesson Jesus is teaching.

The world defines power as getting your way. Jesus defines power as mastering yourself. The world says, “Protect your rights.” Jesus says, “Protect your heart.” The world says, “Make others serve you.” Jesus says, “Learn to serve.”

Perhaps that is why deference feels so foreign today. It looks like losing. Yet every healthy marriage depends upon it. Every meaningful friendship depends upon it. Every successful team depends upon it. Every thriving church, family, and community depends on people who willingly place something greater before themselves.

Deference does not eliminate boundaries. Jesus had boundaries. He walked away from crowds. He confronted hypocrisy. He said “no” when necessary. Deference is not surrendering truth. It is surrendering ego. And there is a profound difference between the two.

Many people today are exhausted because they are fighting battles that don’t matter. They spend enormous energy defending their pride, winning arguments, protecting status, and proving themselves right. Jesus redirects our attention to a different battlefield altogether—the battlefield within. The second mile is where pride begins to lose its grip. The second mile is where selfishness weakens. The second mile is where character grows stronger. The second mile is where freedom begins. That is why deference is such a powerful weapon. Not because it conquers other people, but because it conquers the part of us that always wants to come first.

And in the end, Jesus did not merely teach the second mile. He walked it. Nobody could force Him to love. Nobody could compel Him to forgive. Nobody could require Him to sacrifice Himself. The cross was the ultimate second mile. The first mile belonged to Rome. The second mile belonged to Jesus. And because He walked it, the world has never been the same.

Perhaps Ring Around the Rosie contains one final lesson after all. We all fall down. Pride falls down. Power falls down. Control falls down. Sooner or later, every one of us finds ourselves on the ground.

The question is not whether we fall. The question is what we do when we get back up. Will we demand our rights, or will we choose something greater? Will we stop at the first mile, or will we walk the second? Because according to Jesus, that’s where the real battle is won.

As always…God is here. God is able. God is good.

Pastor Drake

I’ll be continuing this conversation later this week on the Just Sayin’ podcast, where we’ll take a deeper look at The Deference Weapon: Ring Around the Rosie and the Second Mile.

Editor’s note: Opinions expressed in commentary pieces are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the management of the Rocky Mountain Voice, but even so, we support the constitutional right of the author to express those opinions.