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DiGirolamo: This is how a predator grooms your son in under an hour

By John DiGirolamo | Guest Commentary, Rocky Mountain Voice

Perhaps you have a son and think you don’t need to worry about online predators. Think again. Typically, girls are targeted on social media accounts for either explicit content or coerced to meet in person for a sexual encounter. It’s different for boys, who are usually targeted for money. These blackmail situations are criminal offenses, commonly termed “sextortion.”

This is What a Predator’s Playbook Looks Like:

  1. A criminal will set up a profile with a picture of an attractive college age female. The picture will be provocative and eye-catching, so a teenage boy won’t think twice about accepting the social connection.
  2. They’ll make contact online through social media accounts such as Snapchat, Instagram and especially gaming sites.
  3. The person behind the profile may be male or female but will use this “hot girl” image to chat up the teenage boy. 
  4. Many times, the perpetrator will encourage the teen to move to a third-party messaging platform, which can be encrypted.
  5. The attractive older female will pretend to have a romantic interest in the teenager. Next, “she” will start sending erotic or nude pictures to the boy. This is designed to get his attention and stroke his ego with attention from an older female, hoping he thinks it’s all fun and games.
  6. In some cases, the profile picture is real, and the female will engage in explicit activity through a video chat function. If the perpetrator is using a fake profile, the explicit pictures and videos are usually downloaded from a pornography website.
  7. Next, the criminal will inform the teenager that she has willingly sent these explicit pictures or videos and will pressure the boy to reciprocate, using the argument, “I’ve shown you, now you show me!”
  8. The perpetrator may also use other incentives to get explicit content, such as gift cards or packages sent from shopping sites such as Amazon.
  9. Too often, the teenage boy will take a picture or video of himself and send it back to the criminal. According to the Department of Homeland Security, the time from initial contact to sending content can sometimes occur in less than one hour.
  10. The predator will then threaten to share the explicit digital content with the boy’s social media contacts, family, friends, school officials or pornographic websites unless the boy pays the perpetrator to keep the content private. If the teenager does pay, the boy will be immediately extorted again for more money. Attempts to pay off or plead with a predator seldom work. 
  11. The extorter is counting on the teen’s embarrassment and desire to keep the explicit content a secret.

Sextortion can immediately cause behavior changes and emotional stress, including depression, changes in eating habits, substance abuse and self-harm, including suicide. This vicious cycle will not stop until the teenager tells a trusted adult.

Because the situation can develop quickly, parents need to be aware of the threat to their family members and have regular discussions with their kids and teens about the dangers online.

If Your Kid Makes a Mistake:

What do you do if your kid sends an explicit picture? The following is your summary plan:

  1. Tell your kid that you still love them.
  2. Tell them they’ll survive the ordeal together.
  3. Law enforcement can help, so seek them out.
  4. Block the predator from any “friend” or “follower” status. You may need to deactivate an account.
  5. Tell your kid that experiencing a range of emotions is normal, but to stay strong because predators are counting on you and your kid’s embarrassment.
  6. Get counseling.
  7. More help is available from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at 1-800-THE-LOST, including removing explicit pictures. You can also report to the cyber tip line at cybertipline.org 

Additional resources can be obtained at: https://www.missingkids.org/theissues/sextortion

John DiGirolamo is a speaker and critically acclaimed Christian author of four books, featuring stories of police officers, spiritual warfare, human trafficking advocates and survivors and a pro-life doctor. His third book, It’s Not About the Predator: A Parent’s Guide to Internet & Social Media Safety, is a practical 65-page booklet to help parents keep their kids safe online. The book details the predator’s playbook, grooming tactics, and specific proactive actions for parents. John is the Board President of Bringing our Valley Hope, whose objective is to end human trafficking in central Colorado through education and survivor support. He’s also on the parent’s council of Defend Young Minds, a nonprofit that equips parents to defend their children from the harm of pornography. John is a member of the Chaffee County Patriots and his books sell on Amazon. More information can be found: https://itisnotabout.com/

Editor’s note: Opinions expressed in commentary pieces are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the management of the Rocky Mountain Voice, but even so we support the constitutional right of the author to express those opinions.